I'm not sure who needs to hear this but...

The one where I'm starting something new here, sharing a bit of positivity and hope because if it helps me, it might help you too. 💞

We are living in a very strange time right now… a time in which everything feels like it’s teetering on the edge… on the edge of, well, something much bigger.

At the end of December, I started to feel like something BIG was coming for me personally, and it felt positive! I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but I was hopeful and felt a truly positive energy that felt like it was going to be a BIG shift.

When the new year came though, the energy did shift in a BIG WAY, but somehow it flipped, and wasn’t the positive lift I was hoping for but instead felt heavy, hard, fear and anxiety based, and ultimately made me want to hide under the covers and not get out of bed.

In fact, each day of January so far (22) has felt a little less inspired and more unmotivated than the last! My urge to sit on the couch and do nothing all day fights with all my “shoulds” every single day and much of January has been a slog to get through. As I fight the urge to run away from everything, my creativity feels very stifled, along with my zest for life.

While 2024 was a difficult year, I had hoped to start January off on the right foot, but the only thing my intuition is telling me is to stay off my feet altogether and to just rest.

My urge to resist rest and keep going and going is truly where much of my current suffering is coming from… But is it the chicken or the egg?

Today, after realizing Instagram was the culprit for draining my positivity before even finishing my coffee, I logged off and decided to stop fighting it and just go with it. I grabbed my laptop and my dogs and headed to the couch.

Knowing that I’d be spending much of the remainder of my day in the living room grounding myself, I made one more trip to my office and grabbed a few boxes of my favorite tarot cards and my oracle wisdom deck, just to pull a few in hopes of changing and uplifting my mood.

When I picked up the last deck, I noticed a little journal sitting beneath it and grabbed it too.

If you like paper and spirals and notebooks and journals as much as I do, you’d understand the excitement I felt upon realizing this old journal was completely blank… and to be honest, this was my first bit of creative excitement all day.

This blank journal suddenly meant I COULD DO ANYTHING.

These empty pages represented ALL THE THINGS THAT I COULD FILL THEM WITH… and thinking about all the possibilities, all the art and all the doodles I could draw, all the words I could write and the endless hours of creating I could spend on it, had the 6 year old artist inside me filled with momentary happiness and wonder and joy and magic!

This little 4x6 journal with blank brown pages (unlined), which I’ve had FOR YEARS, if not decades, was the one and only thing that brought me happiness and hope today.

But that’s SOMETHING.

When I set all my stuff on the couch, like a kid with all the toys she wanted to play with for the rest of the day, I realized I had forgotten a pen or anything to write in my journal with, but because I still had no idea what I’d use my journal for, I didn’t bother going back for one just yet. I was going to wait for the inspiration to hit me before making the commitment anyway...

My first thought was that I’d fill the pages with tiny circles, a practice I had started in my twenties when panic and anxiety ruled my mind or not knowing which direction to go in life. I have pages and PAGES, edge to edge, full of tiny circles in different colors (but mostly black, sharpie) and since the cover of this journal also had circles on it, I thought this might be the plan, to fill the entire book with circles... which, to some, might sound crazy, but it’s also a good way to pass time while listening to an audiobook or podcast because there isn’t much thought that goes into drawing circles, but it feels better and more calming to the nervous system than doing nothing or playing a game on my phone. It’s a bit like painting dots. But who knows, maybe I am crazy?

When I got up a few minutes later to grab a few things I forgot, water (and a Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cup 😋 ), I also grabbed handful of black fine tipped marking pens I had in a glass sitting on my antique desk in my dining room, and when I took my final position on the couch with the dogs (their favorite kind of day), all of the sadness and hopelessness returned. It washed over me again before I even realized it and I felt my face start to contort and water fill my eyes and so I quickly grabbed the journal and one of the pens, pulled off the cap and wrote: Somehow It’s Going To Be Okay.

And then I read it out loud, took a deep breath and actually felt a bit lighter.

And THEN it occurred to me that, as cliche as it sounds, writing something positive in that moment helped me feel uplifted and more positive, and that it might be nice to use this journal to simply write a positive message to myself every day… one a day… and then I thought that you might also need to hear something positive today too and so I thought I’d share it with you.

And THEN I felt even happier because I felt inspired by this idea that made me happy, that would also give me something specific to focus on at least once a day (I love a little intentional disciplined action because it inevitably equals progress.)

And THEN I thought that maybe I’d share it every day with you, which also made me happy thinking that you would benefit from it as well.

And then I thought YES, I’ll start February 1st, like last year when I began writing here on Jan 31st to announce that I’d be writing every day for 30 days to kickstart a new chapter in my life.

And then I thought, no, I’m not going to wait. I’m going to start today and happily realized that my acceptance of a day of rest, allowing myself to do nothing but sit on my couch, so quickly turned into true inspiration that led me to a new little daily goal.

So this is a practice in acceptance to what is… A test to see if I’m possibly perpetuating my own suffering by focusing on what is wrong instead of what is right (and I mean personally AND on a larger scale of things going on in the world that I/we cannot control).

This is an experiment to see if simply starting my day with something positive can change - not only my mood for the day, but my reality for the better… and maybe yours too. I’ll start today and do it for 30 days to see where it takes me.

So, if you’re interested in participating, then you can grab a notebook and start your own practice of writing something positive EVERY SINGLE DAY to see how it affects your life OR you can come here and read mine 😊 …or you can do both!

I’ll publish mine at midnight every night so you can read them in the morning.

xoxo …love, Maegan ♥️

PS: this is not about toxic positivity or brushing over the hurt or the reality of life, but about moving on and moving forward in positivity one day at a time.

AlSO NOTE: I’ll still be here at least once a week for my Come As You Are series and any new ideas that strike me AND aside from this first post, all posts here will be for paid subscribers only 😚 💋

loveMaegan.com will remain free as always, (aside from the annoying ads), and will remain about fashion, style, home decor, etc. I’ve decided to NOT move forward with YouTube, for now anyway, but not sure what the future will bring.

My primary focus will be here, loveMaegan.com, and making music 😊

Thank you now and always for your support, especially last year when I was truly at my lowest, you were all here for me, and I appreciate you more than you know.