Come As You Are: Season 2 Episode 12

Happy Sunday Lovecats!

I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend!

I actually wanted to record an episode on Thursday evening when I returned home from my last EMDR session, but for some reason I never got around to it.

Because I go on and on in the video about the last phase (or at least I hope it’s the last phase) of this healing process and the emotional abuse I endured for so long - that still haunts me, I didn’t get to talk much about the EMDR experience, but I have to say that I 100% recommend it to anyone going through a similar situation or for anyone who has unresolved trauma from childhood that keeps showing up in your life in different ways that you feel hold you back from living your best life.

For me, it was a belief around not feeling worthy of being seen and heard as I am, and while working through it was very traumatic, I think it catapulted me into a pure truth and awareness of the ways I’ve sabotaged myself (and allowed others to sabotage me as well) from living my best life.

But it’s more than just self-awareness, it’s actually processing memories and PTSD and CPTSD in a way that rewires your brain into not feeling emotionally trapped or triggered by them while also reframing your own current thoughts and beliefs around the memories that imprinted your ideas about YOU, into a more positive and truthful expression of “self”.

This is not the actual definition of the process, but my own experience of it.

While I had multiple talk sessions with my specific therapist, I only had 3 EMDR sessions of about 30 mins each that led to the healing.

The first one brought up images and memories I hadn’t acknowledged ever before, and felt like a miraculous breakthrough. I spoke about it in this episode… however, the second session had me in a full on panic attack, laying on the floor thinking I was going to faint and feeling so incredibly triggered into fight or flight that I had to rummage through my bag for a Xanax just to calm down. I believe I spoke about it in this video…

After that session I was afraid to go back. I didn’t want to and was slightly anxious about the follow up appointment the next week and almost cancelled a million times. But I went. I showed up.

I explained to him how anxious I was about it and so we had a speaking session that week, took the next week off, and then this last week was the next final follow up.

Although I was a little worried about having another terrifying panic reaction, my overall anxiety about the process was low. We dove into the session after about 30 mins of talking and aside from a short window of about 5 minutes, halfway through, my anxiety remained low.

The visions I had and experience that swapped my negative triggers to a positive one, where I felt empowered instead of controlled by another person AND the memories, were gone. I had come full circle and completed the process!

I’m not sure if it’s always this quick, or if this just felt quick to me, but although I felt triggered into a state of panic that I haven’t felt in years in session 2, it was a very safe therapy technique that again, I’d recommend to anyone willing to do the work to get out of their own way.

Soooo… I’m done for now! And it feels amazing, to be honest. I’m not sure I’ll have any reason to go back, BUT if in the future (and I’m giving it about 6 months) I find myself trapped in another mental state that feels like it’s prohibiting me from moving on with my life, (i.e., this past relationship), then I will go back to work through it… but I’m giving myself a little time first, to see if time might be the thing that I need right now, since technically, it’s only been a month. IYKYK.

Love you, Lovecats!!! Have an amazing week!

xoxo …love, Maegan 💋